Billy BullSh*tter!

Hey guys, my name is Billy Bull, but most of my friends call me ‘Billy BullSh*tter!’ I haven’t the first clue why? Maybe you can tell me because they won’t.

Anyway, when I was in Sicily off the coast of Syracuse. I woke up one morning in my trusty tent with a massive hangover after living the wild life by enjoying some wild drinking while wild camping next to some old ruins. I was desperate for a shower, but I decided instead of hunting for a safe shower to use that day, I’d just jump in the Mediterranean Sea to do the job. So there I was bathing in the med, feeling fresh, when suddenly a huge sworm of fish swam up & congregated all around me, my first thought was, wow, how cool! Then I realised these fish were in high panic mode, all getting tighter & tighter in a crazy fish ball with me in the middle. Woah, whats going on here, was my second thought. Then I seen it!

A big fin was what I seen, this big fin with a big f**k off fish underneath it was slowly stalking its prey & that prey was this great big ball of fish with me in the middle. Well what did I do?

I freaked & started thrashing out at the Sicilian mackerel mafia to scarper them as fast as I could. They just stopped dead as if they were looking at me, thinking eh, whats this crazy foreigner doing, doesn’t he realise there’s a big predator called Don ‘the shark’ Gambino thats going to kick the f**k off if he doesn’t chill out!

But I wasn’t thinking straight at that precise moment. The warrior was nowhere to be seen & I continued thrashing like a gimp looking for a gonk, but still the Sicilian mackerel mafia wouldn’t get out of my space. Nothing I did would make them disperse.

Honest, the sight of that fin circling made me flip like a tit, then I realised I was the only one in there that was creating a fuss & bringing attention to myself, which trust me, is the very last thing you want to do when being circled by a predator the size of this twat. So I gathered my thoughts & got the warrior on, planning my best form of defence which is always all out attack!

I squared up getting ready for anything, then the big cheeky bastard nutted me full in the stomach. I swear to god I nearly sh*t myself, but more appropriately, I literally p*ssed myself. It must of connected with my bladder because the flow made the sea glow, then all of a sudden the mackerel mafia started to leave as fast as they could, leaving me behind doing it warrior style with this mediterranean monster on the attack. Suddenly it darted towards me once again.

I tensed up ready to strike & to my horror, as I tensed, I accidentally let out another blast of urine.

To my surprise it stopped the massive mediterranean monster fast in its tracks as I let out more urine that caught it smack in the face. The big fin with a big f**k off fish almost done a backflip & shot off like a bullet into the deep blue sea.

I quickly stuck my head under the water to see if it was a quick trick before its final lethal attack.

The f**king stench of my urine hit me full on the nose & made my eyes water. No wonder it f**ked off so quick, it nearly made me sick. But hey, at least it did the trick!

Thank f**k for that full bottle of Jack Daniels I had last night in my tent to keep me warm through the night.

The hangover was well worth it!

Thanks for reading wiseguys of wordpress๐Ÿ˜€

&……..

Believe in yourself Travellers!๐Ÿ˜

20 thoughts on “Billy BullSh*tter!

    1. ๐Ÿ˜€ thanks Adventure Born. I had a bit of a laugh at it myself as I was writing it. I’m planning a trip to Sicily with some wild camping in mind so thats how this come to mind. & the ultimate warrior was my favourite. I know what you mean though. Happy travels, you ultimate adventure traveller you!๐Ÿ˜Ž

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Seriously!? I have always had the belief that once you enter the ocean, you become part of the food chain. I am not sure if you are telling a tall tale or just bullshitting your WordPress readers, but I truly was captivated by the story.

    Liked by 1 person

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