‘Travel News on Crac.’

cropped-cropped-000001176446160.jpgYess, its ‘Travel News, on Crac.’

This is the place where you’ll find all the ‘cracked up’ news from around the globe!

This week were in China for our first news update.

A chinese man has filed a lawsuit against online selling giant Ebay, this morning.

My correspondent is with the man now in China.

So, Gok Kun Wok, please tell us what this lawsuit is all about?

“Well I’m not happy, I paid for a sex organ enhancement kit & the twats sent me a bastard magnifying glass!”

 

Whoa, hold up!

Sorry, we have to switch to Russia now, where there’s some breaking news.

Russian president Putin & American president Trump, have taken their ‘special relationship’ to another level.

Apparently they,ve been recorded camping together, pitching their tent under the stars & during the night, Putin wakes up Trump & says, “Trump look up at the stars & tell me what you see?”

Trump replies,”I see a million stars & even if a few of them stars have planets, then its quite likely, that there’s some planets like Earth & if there’s a few like Earth out there, then there might also be life like us.”

To that Putin replies, “Trump you idiot! Somebody’s stole our tent!”

 

Ok, were crossing a few borders & heading to Botswana.

Reports just coming in, from deep in the Botswana jungle, where my correspondent is with the chief of the Bantu Tribe, who are world recognised for their use of the Khoisan Click language!

Hi, Tribe Chief, Quozzy Coconut. Can you please tell us here at ‘Travel News, on Crac’ whats exactly happened in the jungle today?

 

” _;:’-!#!!**!!! ,._;:_&;:##**!!!!,’.-_:;*!!”

” -:;_.,'”!***!!!!,”‘-,,_;:”!!!!**’-,.;:!!’_”*!!”

 

Ok, well alrighty then. Thanks for your fascinating input!

 

Were going live to Scotland now, where Scottish Prime minister Nicola Sturgeon, has been attacked by a smack-egg throwing thug!

Hello Jock, can you please tell us what happened?

 

“Ayee…am a on the news?? Aye! “Wey,hey.. Here Hamish am on the fookin news ya naa!! Ya ken??”

Yes Jock your on the news, but we are live, so can you please just tell us what happened?

“Ayee.. That wee cun’ owa ther tuk the fookin piss, ya ken??”

Jock, I must re-iterate, we are live so can you please tell us your side of events, then we…….

“A naa wa live, ya fookin muggy cun’, yeev already telt iz that!! Hold on, ya jumped up muppet & al tell ya, fookin divvy that ya are! Yal be fookin live in a minute, when a stick a firework up ya arse, ya ken??”

 

Ok, I do apologise to everyone & sadly we’ll have to wrap this up till next time, take care travellers!

‘Travel News on Crac.’

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